Monday, October 7, 2013

Day 7 of Living my dream...dreaming again

  After such a terrible loss I think that I did not even think about what I would be doing, ever. I think I just tried to survive. There were many months of unbearable grief, there were many months of depression and sadness. There were many months of sitting and thinking and wondering and what would I do now. The  youngest had graduated in June and here were were starting a new year and I was wondering what I was suppose to be doing with my life.
  I had always been the one who spent time with Mom. We crafted and baked and she would sew for my girls. Now she was gone, the girls were gone and I was alone all day long by myself to ponder what my life would be. I spend many a day crying and praying. Honestly, I didn't cry about Mom, she is safe and happy and healthy now in Heaven. No, I was crying for my loss, my broken heart and I was so lonely, I felt despair. I was still watching for them to pull into the driveway just as they had always done. I still would look out the window to see if they were here...I was still waiting.
  But as the new year set in I had that feeling that I wanted to craft so I dug out some of my old stuff that had been packed away and checked out pinterest and I started to slowly make a few items.
 It did seem like it made me a little happier when I was at my table crafting, just as I had done with Mom. This is what was familiar  to me. So slowly I would work on projects, still grieving but trying to find a purpose.

Slowly over the course of the next few long winter months I begin to feel that dream peek into my heart. My dream had been hidden for so long. I wanted to open a business but without Mom would I be happy? What kind of a business would I want? All those old questions, all those old feelings of adventure were coming back.
 I spent much time in prayer and although I prayed often, sometimes I didn't listen intently so there were bumps in the road to come. But God is good and He knows my needs and my heart. He knew I was broken and He was the only one who could begin to mend me.


Frazzled Farm Wife said...

Love your faith! Having a good time reading your road to living your dream!

Liz said...

Glad that faith carried you through the hard times. And a great way to honor your mother, by getting back into the craft room.