Monday, April 5, 2010

Confessions and a New Start....

"When we react to the drama it doesn't get us anywhere"...Laura Munson.


I saw her interviewed this morning and I thought this statement is so true. I have not read her book nor have I ever even heard of her before but this statement, well, it rang in my ears.
I live in a family full of drama that never ends. My siblings have had issues for almost 30 years. Someone is always mad, upset, not speaking, spreading lies or twisting the truth....and I have had enough.
I think this statement really is so enlightening. I have disengaged from the drama by choice. I think you do have a choice, whether you are the person causing the drama or the person that seems to be the brunt.
You must make a decision to disengage from what you have always known and step out in faith that it is wrong and very destructive. Once I decided to disengage it is like starting down a new hiking trail. There is the unknown, the bumps and the beauty of making it to the end of the hike..success.
Now, I am not saying I have made it to the end of this journey...no,no,no...it has only been 11 months since I separated myself from the drama. There are many more hurdles..we still share parents..I still have nieces and nephews that I miss. But this is real life not tv. There are consequences when you make decisions. You have to decide what you can and can't live with and what you are willing to sacrifice to get there. The truth is...it isn't pretty...it isn't fun...living in a family full of drama is stressful, tiring, and it steals your life....I have regained myself as I have lost ones that I love...I have found myself and I am not going back.
I am focusing on my children, my husband, my parents and the one sibling(and her family) that still speaks to me. I am okay with that.
We all make choices and I have made mine. Does it sound harsh??? If you knew what I had been through you would wonder why I put up with it for this long. If you still think I am being harsh...you have the right to your own opinion.
I feel like it has been a long season of winter...but when I saw spring well forget winter....Ya baby...renewal, rebirth...new start.
Thank you all who are my followers...if you have made it this far..thank you. I am remaking my life and I am happy you are here! If you are in a situation like mine...run..don't walk....away from it...it will be painful but the rewards are worth it. Recapture your life and cherish it...we are not promised tomorrow, but we have today.

10 comments:

Phyllis said...

Hi, It was so good to see that someone has a family who causes so much heartache that you just have to make the decision to step away and let God take care of it which he will anyway no matter how much we try to make things ok. This has been going on in my family as long as I can remember and it has never gotten any better. I have always longed for a close family but have finally realized it wasn't meant to be. Thanks for sharing. Phyllis

ohiofarmgirl said...

Phyllis,
Thanks for your sweet comments. I have dreamed of the Christmas card family but have realized that is not going to be my siblings but...It may just be my three children and I will strive for that with all my heart so they will not have to endure the same as I have. Blessings, Dianntha

Janet - underthewillow said...

Hi Dianntha....I am happy for you to have made such a difficult decision....my oldest son is the one in my life who has created a most stressful environment of drama for our small family of four and I have tried to distance myself from his drama but feel guilty for abandoning him and am completely torn in two....this has been going on for about six years now and sometimes I don't know if my husband and I can survive through another incident....I am hoping that it's just a REALLY bad phase that will pass as he gets older!! (he will be 25 this year)

Janet

Alice said...

This is food for thought.
Mining the moment for something that feels good, something to appreciate, something to savor, something to take in, that's what your moments are about. They're not about justifying your existence. It's justified. You exist. It's not about proving your worthiness. It's done. You're worthy. It's not about achieving success. You never get it done. It's about "How much can this moment deliver to me?" And some of you like them fast, some of you like them slow. No one's taking score. You get to choose. The only measurement is between my desire and my allowing. And your emotions tell you everything about that.

Hugs
Alice

Donetta said...

ra!
Yes it is the freedom that so sweetly replaces the trap. Once off the triad of victim/offender/rescuer the maturation begins.
I hope you can hear my heart.
I am proud of you for the courage your are practicing.
Let not bitterness get within you.
Lift your voice only to sounds of freedom, no longer give your strength to those things which you wish to be free from.
Fondly

Busym1 said...

What a reality check! I have been thinking the same thing lately, and sadly it is my own mother who causes all the drama in our life. She has pitted my brother and sister against eachother and me, and has even influenced my daughter to not respect her father and I. Long story, but I have really pulled back alot lately from it all. I have my own family to deal with, and want to take care that we all stay close, like I never was with mine. Hugs to you Dianntha...

Wanda/Ridge Farm Nesting Place said...

Your post rings in my ear! My turmoil is not with my family but with the in-law's..I have stepped out of the stressful situation and keep a very distant politeness!! This works for me...and I will keep it this way, I'm happy being distanced from all of them. Manipulative, jealous, back- stabbing people can totaly bring you down. Run and run fast!!!
Thanks for sharing. Wanda

Robin said...

Your words really rang true. It is such a Catch 22 being in a family. I tell myself over and over again......I can not control what others do, I can only control how I react to them! My family drama is behind me except for my son's constaint drama. There is the work drama and I refuse to jump on their fire drill/ranting/gossiping band wagon. Like Phyllis, I too have always wanted the big, Norman Rockwell family, but it isn't in my cards. Good for you! It is a difficult choice to make. Hang in there.

Lili said...

Looks like we have the same cursus here, Dianntha. I know all the guilt and suffering behind this liberation. It takes a lot, but helps reconstruction in the end.
Take care, and believe in yourself.
Lili

Pumpkin said...

I completely hear you Dianntha! We have just had a similar family issue on my DH's side. I'm giving things one more chance. If they cannot go forward from here, then at least we can say we tried. A lot of it is a lack of communication but it takes more than one person to communicate. I'm sorry to hear about your situation but sometimes it is the best situation. ((((HUGS))))