Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Grief in the Midst of Christmas

  This morning as I was listening to our practice cd for our Christmas choir, the ugly grip of grief put its' hands on my heart. While listening to these beautiful Christmas songs with wonderful music I am faced with the fact that this Christmas my Mother will celebrate in Heaven and not with her daughter. I am heartbroken at my loss. I walk around in a daze, trying to show the world I am normal when inside I am a shambles. My Mother, my best friend, the one person who always knew what to say and what to do, is gone...oh how heartsick that makes me.
  I have a strong christian faith...I know she is with Jesus. I know she is ok...I know I will see her again...I am just living the reality of the effects of death.
  Dear Friends, I know this is not the Christmas I don't feel Christmas. Today I only am feeling the pain of my loss. I am just selfish enough to want her with me...I am a spoiled child wanting my Mother. Her love for me was unconditional and true. I can not remember a single time my Mother ever raised her voice when speaking to me.  Oh....I am heartsick today.
  I know that when grief hits hard that sometimes it only lasts for a few hours...or days and then subsides but for today...right now...I am at my limit of control. So the tears flow and my heart hurts...oh what I have lost...but heaven has gained.
  Lord, today I am asking for some mercy and grace, for an extra portion of love. Help me be close to you today, Lord. Wrap your arms of love around my soul...and I will pull myself together and go on with my day, maybe a little slower today but I am counting on You to pull me through...thank you Lord for your mercy right now!
Tomorrow I will feel better. Thank you dear friends for your loving support in my difficult time.


bettyj said...

I have been where you are and still go there lots of times. Your faith will get you through this, but it is OKAY to grieve and to acknowledge it. I am praying for you.

Carmen and the Primcats said...

I wish you peace friend.
Carmen and the Primcats

lilraggedyangie said...

Hugs and Prayers for you , but know its ok to feel this way especially this time of year !

cynthia lee designs said...

I have a friend going thru the same thing this year. It is ok to let the tears flow and I know that God is good and will help you thru this Christmas season. Saying prayers for you.

Joy/The Olde Farmhouse said...

Yes, you will get through this...I have been there except my Dad died on Christmas Eve morning in a way-far-away state. Singing hymns in Church that evening was really hard but, with God's help, my family and I got through it...and you will, too. I will pray for you and just let yourself "feel."

Annie said...

It is a wonderful thing that the loss of your Mother evokes the feelings you have expressed. It means you were much loved as a child and into adulthood. You are very lucky. I hope, when I am gone, my children speak as fondly of me as you did of your Mother. I hope I am doing that good of a job. Your words were perfect and I am sure she is missing you the same. I happened on your blog by chance and noticed your post as it was my birthday and I had just spent the evening with my 3 twenty-something children. I hope you feel better as Christmas approaches, she would want you to enjoy your holiday season fully!

Farmchick said...

Praying that God gives you peace. My Mom is going through the same thing....this is our second Christmas without my Grandma.

marly said...

It's been 4 years, and I still can't hold back tears when I read posts as yours, or see elderly ladies with their daughters. The outbursts of grief came and went, brief or long, hours or weeks. I don't have them as often now, and she is on my mind always. Expect it to continue and embrace it for it is part of the healing. You obviously had a truly wonderful relationship, such a gift!