Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Today is a new start?

Today doesn't feel like a new day, but today I am trying to make some positive changes. Now don't get me wrong, I am still crying over just about everything, I still want to sit on the sofa and not move. I am not motivated to do much of anything. But....
 A few things have changed. I am now forcing myself to walk at least 1 1/2 miles each day. I love to walk and even though I do not feel like walking I have started. I have started to decorated for the fall season and through many tears of sadness and joy I am rediscovering all the crafts my Mother gave me or made for me. I am back to working 2 days a week. I am trying to do the things that were normal before Mom got sick..these are the things that used to be normal.
 The other thing I am going to do is to try to put this blog back on track...a blog of decorating and family...just for fun...ya  know what I mean?
 Now, I know Mom would want me to be happy and I can't be happy unless I share things about her too because when you have a broken heart that is all you really want to talk about. That being the case, I am going to share my memories and thoughts and tears on my other blog. I can not pretend that things are fine but I can separated my blogs so that you can read where you feel comfortable. Don't get me wrong, you will be hearing about Mom sometimes but my tears and my memories will be sent to my other blog at least for now. Do I think this will make me feel better??? I don't know because right now nothing feels better and nothing looks or feels normal so I am forging ahead trying to find that new path I told you about.
  So I will put my camera in my hand and take a few pictures. If I think of something creative, I will share it..for today this is about as creative as it gets, so don't get too excited! For today, well this is the best I can do. But this is a whole lot better than it has been....miss you Mom. Be blessed.


Robin said...

I can really feel your pain and will be praying for some comfort and peace in your thoughts and your heart...I lost my Mom when I was 15 years old.I was the oldest daugter ( had 1 older brother and a baby sister 8 years younger) My Mom was only 36 when she had a severe stroke.She was in a coma for weeks and then never really recovered.She was home for a short time, and my father and I cared for her.She was totally paralyzed.I also cared for m little sister troughout all of this. When she died, I didn't just grieve like a care free , immature teenager...I was an adult in just about every way except chronilogical years. The loss still aches, but eventually for you, the memories will be bittersweet, but for now I imagine they are mostly just bitter heartache....
Sounds like you are on the road to getting back to living....Don't stop, you know your Mother wouldn't want that...:)
Hugs xoxox

Joy said...

All I know is my heart aches for you and I would never feel uncomfortable listening to the challenges you are facing today, tomorrow or however long it takes.

You remain in my thoughts and prayers..peace be with you. Hugs, Joy

Gumbo Lily said...

I'm sure your mom would be thrilled to see you out walking and decorating for fall, just as she would if she were still living here.

Bless you.

Debbie said...


I want to hear about your mom! So "please" continue to share your memories and sorrows as well.

Yippee! You are walking! I love walking especially at this time of the year. So peaceful and refreshing, plus good for your body!;)

Prayers and hugs friend,

Robin said...

Share all you want. I was always told the troubles shared are halved. There is something very therapeutic about writing about your feelings....your troubles flow out of you body through the pen and onto the paper, in this case through your fingertips and onto the keyboard. Please share all your 'mom' stories. I am sure many of us will find familiarity in some of what you tell us. It will be good for all of us who have lost our moms. You are making positive steps and that is a good sign.

lilraggedyangie said...

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your mother , may God grant you peace in the coming days in happy memories! I am a new follower and a fellow Ohio girl and look forward to getting to know you better! Its my understanding we dont live far apart Im in Marion! Wishing you a happy day ! hugs lilraggedyangie

Michele said...

I too am so sorry to learn of the passing of your mom. I will be praying for you. I'm working on your 31 Days of Whimsy button right now. Just email me at so I know where to send it.

xoxo michele

Anita @ Cedar Hill Ranch said...

So sorry for your loss. It must be so difficult and lonely without your mom. You sound like you are doing a good job of trying to get back to some things you enjoy. I am a new follower.