Trying to Make It Through Each Day

  First of all dear friends, I would like to tell you how much I appreciate  your prayers. I can not tell  you how much that means to me. I know that prayer is always the answer and I am more than grateful and thankful. I know that each of our lives is held in God's hand and sometimes our heart gets broken. His ways are beyond our understanding and that is where true faith steps in. But that doesn't mean it is easy.
  Yesterday I was telling you that my parents were in Florida when they found out she was really sick. Within the week my parents were back in Ohio. We took her to the family doctor and he reviewed the MRI and sent her on for more tests. So for 4 days in a row we were taking Mom for tests. She was exhausted and I was almost unable to control my tears. Each of her tests showed terrible results and I have been so devastated. I try to be brave around her but the sadness appears at unexpected times. She tries to comfort us....she has such quiet courage.
  I made arrangements with our pastor to anoint her for healing and restoration and this time my youngest was able to go with us. I do know how important it is for our children to see us live out our faith. I do believe in total and complete healing and I also know that healing comes in different ways.
   I guess I am selfish. I keep thinking of all the things she would miss. My kids getting married and their children...all the time we spent working in my gardens and shopping and decorating. I know that this isn't about  me but I guess I am being honest when I tell you that this is really some of the things that are going through my mind. Mom has always been my best friend. She has always been young and active and willing to help. Most of all, we just like being together no matter what we are doing.
 In the midst of all of the tests I want to share that I have been so torn. My oldest is graduating from college and she has had such great success. The day after the biopsy for my Mom was awards day for my daughter on her campus. My heart churned. How can I be so happy and so sad. How do I deal with such extreme emotions. I wanted to jump for joy, to shout out loud because I am so proud of her and all her success. She was beaming...a shiny star..a day of joy. Oh Lord...my heart...the pain...the joy..the tears...how do I survive?
But my Mom was determined to go for the awards so we found a wheelchair. Now let me just say...I have never had anyone around me in a wheelchair and I was nervous about pushing her around campus but God is good and my dh had the day off work and was able to attend. I am blessed that he took that burden off of me so I could enjoy our daughter and my Mother.
 Now, I will share a few of those pictures but I am not at my computer, I am at my Mom and Dad's house so when I get home tomorrow I will post pictures of that day. My Mother beamed all day long..she fought through being tired and enjoyed the day. It was sunny and warm and we took her all over the campus and she was delighted. That day, April 13, was my Dad's birthday so on the way home she asked us to stop and pick up a present for him. She is kind and giving.
 And again, her tests results came back bad..and I feel sheer panic. I try to keep my body calm as my mind races for answers. I am tired but I can't sleep..I pray constantly yet I know our lives are rich in blessings. My Mother is in no pain and that is such a blessing for all of us. I know that I have shared so many rich and wonderful years with my Mother and that she has shown me what is important and how to be a good mom...and how to be a good wife...and for that I am so thankful..so blessed and...so sad.

My daughter and my Mother on awards day. Mom was getting tired but she never complained a single time.

This is our award-winning daughter, my Mother and myself....I was so proud but something happened to my hair...lol

Our youngest daughter and my Mother enjoying a walk around campus in between awards.

Our daughter and her Dad who just happened to have the day off!!!!!!!!!!
 I am so happy that we were able to have Mom with us. What wonderful memories we have of this day!
 We are so very proud!