Wednesday, April 27, 2011

The highs and the lows

  Yesterday my daughter called me to say she had just picked up her cap and gown for graduation. She was so excited and I was just as excited for her. She is a good student and will be graduating with  honors at the University. We giggled and laughed about all the things she is finishing in the last 10 days to prepare for graduation day.  I think I am enjoying this celebration even more because I missed my college graduation...4 years of hard work and I was so sick for about 6 weeks and I was unable to walk...I just received my diploma in the mail...what a disappointment that was, reguardless it is a joy to know she is so close and she has been so successful.
  Yesterday, I took my Mother to her first radiation treatment. We were happy to spend time together but it was a long day and she was exhaused.
   Yesterday, was a day of extreme emotions. Be blessed.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

A Few More Days have passed and Most Bad News

 Well dear friends, time continues to pass and at each visit to the different doctors' offices we find no encouragement. We continue to enjoy spending time with my Mother. She is having many good days and no pain. The doctors are so amazed but I know it is due to prayers of friends and family. I do want to thank you and ask you to continue to pray for her...we are just so thankful for your prayers.
  This week we did visit the James Cancer Hospital, which is suppose to be the best in the midwest but they offered us some radiation treatments for her back  and chemo in a clinical trial which we are not considering at this time. They have told us that her time is very short but I know the Lord is the one who numbers our days so with that knowledge we continue to try to spend our days with her. She spends most of her time in a chair or napping in her bed. This is almost unbearable if you saw her last October, before they went to Florida, working in her gardens and spending her time with her family.
  I spend my days helping her as I can and at the same time trying to hold my family together. We continue to plan for two graduation parties and I must say we have some amazing friends who have offered to help with some of the details. Sometimes I address the envelopes in between tears...praying that we will all be there for both of my daughters graduations. 
  Spring is just beginning to show it's face here. We are having may cold days and much rain but once in a while the sun peeks out to give us a hope of days to come. I have a few tulips popping and a few flowering trees and many leaves to rake but it is Ohio and that is just the way it is.
  Tomorrow is Resurrection Sunday and I am so thankful that Jesus took our place on that cross that we may spend all eternity with Him.  We rejoice that the grave is empty!!! We covet your prayers for our beloved Mother.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Trying to Make It Through Each Day

  First of all dear friends, I would like to tell you how much I appreciate  your prayers. I can not tell  you how much that means to me. I know that prayer is always the answer and I am more than grateful and thankful. I know that each of our lives is held in God's hand and sometimes our heart gets broken. His ways are beyond our understanding and that is where true faith steps in. But that doesn't mean it is easy.
  Yesterday I was telling you that my parents were in Florida when they found out she was really sick. Within the week my parents were back in Ohio. We took her to the family doctor and he reviewed the MRI and sent her on for more tests. So for 4 days in a row we were taking Mom for tests. She was exhausted and I was almost unable to control my tears. Each of her tests showed terrible results and I have been so devastated. I try to be brave around her but the sadness appears at unexpected times. She tries to comfort us....she has such quiet courage.
  I made arrangements with our pastor to anoint her for healing and restoration and this time my youngest was able to go with us. I do know how important it is for our children to see us live out our faith. I do believe in total and complete healing and I also know that healing comes in different ways.
   I guess I am selfish. I keep thinking of all the things she would miss. My kids getting married and their children...all the time we spent working in my gardens and shopping and decorating. I know that this isn't about  me but I guess I am being honest when I tell you that this is really some of the things that are going through my mind. Mom has always been my best friend. She has always been young and active and willing to help. Most of all, we just like being together no matter what we are doing.
 In the midst of all of the tests I want to share that I have been so torn. My oldest is graduating from college and she has had such great success. The day after the biopsy for my Mom was awards day for my daughter on her campus. My heart churned. How can I be so happy and so sad. How do I deal with such extreme emotions. I wanted to jump for joy, to shout out loud because I am so proud of her and all her success. She was beaming...a shiny star..a day of joy. Oh heart...the pain...the joy..the do I survive?
But my Mom was determined to go for the awards so we found a wheelchair. Now let me just say...I have never had anyone around me in a wheelchair and I was nervous about pushing her around campus but God is good and my dh had the day off work and was able to attend. I am blessed that he took that burden off of me so I could enjoy our daughter and my Mother.
 Now, I will share a few of those pictures but I am not at my computer, I am at my Mom and Dad's house so when I get home tomorrow I will post pictures of that day. My Mother beamed all day long..she fought through being tired and enjoyed the day. It was sunny and warm and we took her all over the campus and she was delighted. That day, April 13, was my Dad's birthday so on the way home she asked us to stop and pick up a present for him. She is kind and giving.
 And again, her tests results came back bad..and I feel sheer panic. I try to keep my body calm as my mind races for answers. I am tired but I can't sleep..I pray constantly yet I know our lives are rich in blessings. My Mother is in no pain and that is such a blessing for all of us. I know that I have shared so many rich and wonderful years with my Mother and that she has shown me what is important and how to be a good mom...and how to be a good wife...and for that I am so blessed sad.

My daughter and my Mother on awards day. Mom was getting tired but she never complained a single time.

This is our award-winning daughter, my Mother and myself....I was so proud but something happened to my
Our youngest daughter and my Mother enjoying a walk around campus in between awards.
Our daughter and her Dad who just happened to have the day off!!!!!!!!!!
 I am so happy that we were able to have Mom with us. What wonderful memories we have of this day!
 We are so very proud!

Monday, April 18, 2011

Just trying to Survive

On Monday March 28th, our world changed with a picture on an MRI.  If you have followed my blog for very long then you understand that it has always been about projects I am working on or fun little  ideas and of course decorating our home. But our lives have changed and so my blog posts are now changing too. I had no intention of this blog being serious and actually I had every intention of blogging about things that are fun.
 My children are well on their way to becoming adults. My oldest is graduation from college, my middle daughter is a freshman in college and our youngest is a senior in high school. I have been thinking about opening a small business and I have been looking forward to sharing all my ideas with each of you.
 But as we all know, our plans are not always the plans the Lord has and he has placed a hurdle in front of us. A hurdle I don't know how to fight. But  this blog has always been about what was happening in my daily life so I will continue to share even  when it is unpleasant because I believe we can learn from each other and we can share each others burdens thus the MRI.
  On Monday, March 28th, 2011 my wonderful Mother went to hear the results of an MRI she had taken because she was having back pain. We were looking for a bulging disc or maybe she needed a hip replacement but instead the Doctor told her to go home to her family. My parents were in Florida spending the winter. She had helped my Father recuperate from a hip replacement surgery in November so we thought maybe she had hurt herself maybe she needed surgery. But that was not the news, I wish that had been the news.
  In an instant my world changed. I was standing the the middle of the gift shop that I work in when I got a call from my father saying that my Mother had a spot on her spine,  cancer. He said the doctor kept saying how sorry he was....I was still listening, I was  standing still, I thought I was going to vomit. I was in shock. I was scared, I was overwhelming sad and I was worried. My parents were alone. Our family was in Ohio. I spent the next hour silent. I spent the next hour in shock.
  This is just the beginning of our story. Can I say I have cried enough tears to fill a bucket. Can I tell you I have never felt so helpless and alone and lonely and scared? I have been surrounded by family but I feel like I am so isolated that if I really let go I won't be able to control myself. I am praying for healing and restoration and bracing myself for what is to come.
 I am a very blessed person and I don't want to leave you with discouragement but if you have a broken heart then you know where I am right now. There have been more developments in our journey...we had to get our parents home to see what we are dealing with. That part of our journey is next. We covet your prayers.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Asking for a Miracle..

Life changes so quickly....sometimes in a terrible way. When my Mother left for Florida she was a vibrant, lively, self-sufficient woman. She works in her gardens for hours, she paints pictures, she sews, she is always looking for ways to help her children and grandchildren. She is the first to volunteer to help...she is so special...
  Now, five months later she has returned to Ohio frail and so very ill. How did this happen? How can years be snatched so quickly? My Mother is a very brave soul and she is in for the fight of her life even as her body is failing her. She is tired, she is sick...she is brave.
Oh Lord, send your healing touch....Lord healing and restoration! Allow our family a miracle...Lord...a miracle! In Jesus Name.